Lebron James: He puts the 'cock' in cocky

Because it would take 47 tweets to properly vent my anger, I must return to my old friend, Complete Sentence.

I don't follow many celebrities on twitter because normally, their tweets incite so much rage in me. Their tweets are vapid, self serving and almost always include a shoutout of some sort. Plus, I don't need to follow them because any "good" tweet is aptly retweeted several times by others that I follow. Tonight was no different. Get ready for a serious dose of Rage-o-hol.

After a thorough brutalizing of the Cavs by the Lakers, @KingJames tweeted:

Crazy. Karma is a b****.. Gets you every time. Its not good to wish bad on anybody. God sees everything!

Are you fucking serious?!? For starters, he's NOT a King! Being phenomenal at basketball does not give him a royal pass. No athlete on earth is associated with royalty. Lebron doesn't have ONE damn championship, but he's a king. Now, if the people want to call him 'King James' because it's clever, then fine. I can't stop 'the people,' but does it really need to be his twitter name? Are you that full of yourself, Lebron?

Second, are we all familiar with who the real King James was and what he did? He had the Holy Bible translated into English! Kind of an important task. Also, legend has it that King James was also Shakespeare, one of the greatest playwrights of all of human existence, but I won't even get into that. So Lebron was a McDonald's high school player of the year, so he can dunk a ball from another zip code. Seems kind of small when compared to The Bible, doesn't it?

Now, let's dissect this tweet. First of all, he's too much of a bitch to spell out 'bitch.' You make 100 million a year and you're using asterisks?! They should put an asterisk by your name in the record books. We all know what you wanted to say, so just say it! That's like when niggas tweet "n****." Just say 'nigga', Nigga! Damn! And then you have the nerve to bring up karma? You abandon a city in douche bag fashion and THEY deserve bad karma? Help me understand, Lebron. Please. I implore you. You think the Cavs and the people of Cleveland 'wished bad on you'? What did you expect them to say? Thanks so long for making us wait, then going on television to announce you were 'taking your talents' to the Rio of North America? Of course they're going to hope you bust a kneecap, but you've got the build of a heavily bred slave, so I doubt you'll get hurt anytime soon. Yes, I took it there. Breeding was real. Go look it up.

And another thing...God sees everything? Yes he does, but what the hell does that have to do with the game? God saw you get swept by the Spurs. God saw Delonte bang your mom. What's your point, Bron Bron? What else does God see? Oh, tell us King James! Clap your mighty chalk cloud and tell us the future! Jag off. Advice - Stop tweeting. Win a ring. Get bent.

So, in closing, I'm just going to quote Tim from the British Office: "You're a cock! You're a cock! You're a cock!"

Peace